Tomorrow, I will be in Africa

Alright, this is my last post while I'm in America.
Lots has been going on in my head and in my heart. I am so nervous and scared to go (see previous post), but I am also extremely excited because my inadequacies have opened up the door for the Lord to work. I realize that if God is not in the middle of this trip, I will fail. I know that I don't have the words and I don't have the knowledge, so this is all on God. Its like Acts 4:13 when it says, "They saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus." Peter and John spent time with Jesus, went where God led, spoke through the Spirit, and they were unstoppable - I want my life to be like that!
I got together with a lot of key people in my life today, and so much scripture was read over me. Its amazing how encouraging God's word is, and how His perfect love casts out fear. I was asked how Satan was attacking me, and I guess that wasn't something I really thought about. Then it became clear that he was trying to instill fear in me; the kind of fear that would cripple me from doing the Lords work. Earlier in the week, I was reading through Luke, and once I saw how the devil was trying to get me down, I realized why I had read that passage. In Chapter 10, Jesus sends out the 72 like 'lambs among wolves' because 'the harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.' He tells them not to bring anything, because he will provide. When the 72 return, they are amazed at what they were able to do in Christ's name. He gave them the authority to 'trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.' There is nothing to fear because if you are in the center of His will, he will be with you and will provide. That doesn't mean there will be no trouble, but He will never leave your side.
Psalm 91, Romans 8, 2 Kings 6 were also read over me - such good stuff.
I'm encouraged. Please read Luke 12 and pray that into my heart. I am sad to leave and saying goodbye was difficult, but I'm excited for what's ahead. Lots of things are still up in the air, but that makes it more fun! My old small group leader Kristin, who has the gift of faith, says that I will be back safely in one piece, filled with stories. So, don't worry, I'll be back. Please join me on this adventure. I will try my best to get online once a week, most likely Saturdays, so check in! Emails are much appreciated as well. (labfall@olivet.edu). By the end of May I should be in one stable place, so I will have an address, and letters would be much appreciated too! Thank you for your prayers, your encouragement, and your direction towards God's word.

Trembling

I prayed that God would reveal himself, and he brought me to my knees; I prayed that He would show me the world through His eyes, and he broke my heart; I prayed that God would use me, and he asked for everything I held dear and sent me to Africa. Now, I tremble in His presence.

The fact that Jesus is both a lion and a lamb never really sank in until tonight. I am so completely terrified of Him. I am scared of the calling that he has placed on my life. Yet, in the midst of fear, he love shines. Scripture says that perfect love casts out fear, and He has comforted me in ways I could never have imagined. I picture myself suffering in Africa, yet Jesus takes my hand and brings me to a place of peace in his presence.

I leave in one week, and I have found irony in the prayers that people have prayed over me. There has been a theme of safety in each one. On my way back to school earlier, I really thought about that. I was filled with tears as I thought about how scared I was (okay, I actually cried), and I realized that I was scared because I wouldn't be safe. I was afraid to suffer. However, the more I read God's word, the more I see that it's not safe. Think about this: God saved the world through suffering. Jesus was tortured until he was unrecognizable, then he suffocated on a cross. Not safe. Jesus' disciples were stoned, crucified, flogged, and thrown in prison as they spread the gospel. Not safe. Ever read about Paul? Definitely not safe. So, there's this thing about safety that I'm still wrestling with. Jesus said that in this world, we will have suffering, and people will persecute us for following him. I don't think we can even come close to imagining the depths of that statement here in America. I don't have a conclusion on that, just thoughts.

Please keep praying for me. Pray that God will go before me and lay out a path. One of my own prayers is that God will shout to me, because I feel like I'm too deaf to hear his whisper.

13 days and counting

In two weeks, I'll be in Africa. Nervous wouldn't be a word to describe how I feel. I guess I haven't thought very much about it. Well, here's some detail about my trip so you know:
May 10th i leave. I get to Kenya...I'll live in a missionary compound for a while ($7/day) maybe teaching english in Kibera (one of the world's largest slums). Then I might travel around Kenya with Coach Josh for a while.
Then I'll get on a bus and go to Uganda to a small farming town called Mpigi. I'm planning on living in an orphanage and working with the kids and the community.
Basically, everything is up in the air, but, I don't feel like I'm supposed to have set plans. I'll just fly by the seat of God's pants...It's more exciting that way anyway.
Oh, and I get back July 11th-ish. We'll see.
I started reading a book that I got at church called the hole in our gospel. It is so rockin and I recommend it to everyone. Its by richard stearns. There are some parts of the book that totally encompass how I'm feeling and thinking. So, here it is..
I am a Christian - perhaps you are too. But what does that mean exactly? To even be Christians, we must first believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. That in itself is no small idea. If it is true, it changes everything, because if Christ is God, then all that He said and did is deeply significant to how we live our lives. So we believe. But God expects more. And so the question, "What does God expect of me?" is a very profound one - not just for me, but for everyone who claims to follow Christ. Jesus had a lot to say bout it. Yes, He did give us deep insight into the character of God and out relationship with Him as well, but He also spoke at length about God's expectations, our values, and how we are to live in the world. So how are we to live? What kind of relatinship are we to have with a holy God? What is God asking for, really, from you and me? Much more than church attendance. More than prayer too. More than belief, and even more than self-denial. God asks us for everything. He requires a total life commitment from those who would be His followers. In fact, Christ calls us to be His partners in changing our world, just as He called the Tweleve to change thier world two thousand years ago.
I believe we can change the world. I believe the power that raised Christ from the grave is still available to us. I know I have limited God, and I don't want to anymore. He can still heal people and redeem the world through us, we just have to open our hands and be willing to lay everything down.
This past spring, we played a few scrimage games for soccer. I realized how much I love playing and how difficult it would be to give that up. God has been showing me the idols in my life, and it so humbling. Do I really spend over an hour on facebook a day? That's a problem. There are so many things in my own life that cloud my eyes and make God's light appear dim. The more I strip myself of those things, the more God's glory shines, and the more attracted to that light I am. I don't want to live my life and sprinkle God on top. That's not enough for me. I don't want to settle for anything less that all of Him. I don't want to die and approach the gates of heaven, look Jesus in the eyes and say, "Yea...about that time. I was scared." No! I want to run so fast towards him, no regrets.
The disciples were called Christians and followers of the Way. They didn't give themselves those names, they just obeyed Christ. So, this is my life. This is my story. I will go to Africa with uncertainties, trusting that the Lord will show up. I'm not afriad, rather excited to see how God leads me. I will try to update this as often as possible when I'm there, because I want everyone to hear about the things the Lord does. He is writing a story of redemption and invites us to take part.