To the missionary world, the 20/20 window is the area 20 degrees north of the equator and 20 degrees south of it. That window is the most unreached place in the world, in terms of the gospel. This past week, I have experienced first hand the reality of the 20/20 window. I did home visits to some of the homes that the children in the orphanage were taken from due to neglect and abuse. James told the people that I was paying for the children to go to school, and some women cried, others gave me gifts of peanuts, maize, and avocados. I met a grandmother who was so moved and wanted to thank me, but didn’t know English, so she was just able to smile. As I walk down the streets here, I meet children and adults who have never met a white person before. I think that’s a problem. Islam and witchcraft plague this area, and it’s so obvious. The gospel is needed, and I can only pray that God will raise up people to share his love in this area long after I am gone.
Now about persecution. All my life I have been a pretty well-liked person, or at least I like to think so. I have always had friends and I was never really made fun of. Here, I am so alone. It’s hard. Prior to leaving for Africa, I read a lot of Scripture where Jesus says that if we follow him, then we will face persecution and we will be like ‘sheep among wolves.’ The church in America isn’t persecuted at all, so I didn’t grasp that scripture. . . until Thursday. Well, Wednesday night I got really sick and spent a lot of time in the bathroom (I mean, over a hole with the cockroaches and geckos). Thursday I woke up and still didn’t feel good, but I was scheduled to speak in a high school in town. I was told that I needed to talk about HIV/AIDS and encourage the kids to stay and school and pursue university. I don’t know much about HIV/AIDS, but as I prayed about what to talk about, the Lord said, “Preach the good news.” The school I was talking in was a public school, so I said, “Okay God, I will share the gospel, and whatever comes of it, let it come.” I was envisioning myself as one of the disciples in the book of Acts who speak boldly and with authority that only the Spirit gives. Ha. I wish that was the case. I shared my story with the kids and talked about God. I told the girls how their lives are valuable and that they shouldn’t settle for a meager life, because the Lord sees them as beautiful, strong women. As I was talking, they laughed in my face. Straight up laughed at me. Not what I was expecting. It was incredibly discouraging. After that, any time I walked around, the people in the town would point and yell, “White person!” They laughed at me and made it clear that I wasn’t welcome. I never thought preaching God’s word would bring that, but Scripture says that if the world does not hate you, then something is wrong. I was extremely frustrated and felt that I wasn’t making an impact, but God showed otherwise.
All the people I work with know that I play soccer, so they decided that I would be the person to start a women’s soccer team. Here, women don’t play soccer, just men. Women are supposed to stay in the home and clean and cook and not play. However, things are changing and the world is developing, so part of empowering these high school girls is coming through the game of soccer. I have officially started the first girl’s soccer team in Mpigi town. I talked to all the girls about what the program would look like, and then we put out a piece of paper for them to sign up. 40 girls signed up for the team. That scares me, but it’s cool. I begin training them on Monday with one soccer ball and a flat piece of dirt land, and a few bricks that we set up as goals. It will be challenging and interesting, but I’m excited.
Okay. Like I said, I got sick. Saturday I went to the hospital and they tested for Malaria, but I don’t have it. They gave me some vitamins and pain killers for my headaches, which have helped some, but when the medicine wears off, my head hurts badly. My trip to the hospital, blood work, and 2 prescriptions cost me a total of $2.50. That baffled me. Saturday night my head was bleeding (because I have psorisis, but it has never beld before). Anyways, my living conditions here are not good, so I am heading back to Kenya next weekend then will probably be coming home early. Today I just got this impression in my heart that I needed to go home and be with my family. It was hard to tell the owner of the orphanage, but I’d rather leave then get sick and die. I’m not discouraged though. I feel like the Lord has done great things, and I will still be doing ministry when I am in Kenya for a little while. I really just need to get healthy.
This is a cool story. Thursday night was a really rough night for me. Spiritual warfare was at a peak, my body was failing me, and I was discouraged from the day. Since I’ve been at the orphanage, I have never received a phone call because I don’t have phone service. However, Thursday evening I got a call from my Mom. It was wonderful to talk to her and it was such an encouragement. Friday morning I checked my email and I had an email from my friend Katie. She said that all day Thursday she couldn’t get me out of her mind and she felt like God wanted her to pray for me, but she wasn’t sure why. I can sit here and say that it is because of her prayers that my Mom’s phone call came through. I am amazed at that whole situation, and it shined so much light in what seemed liked darkness. God answers prayers.
Yes, this blog is long, but I have one more thing to talk about. I have had lots of time to read the Word. I was finishing 1 Kings during that time when I was really discouraged. In chapter 18 Elijah calls down fire from heaven and rain after a 3 year drought. He saw God do great things. Yet, in chapter 19 he lays down before the Lord and asks him to take his life. He tells God that he has had enough. Elijah is the only prophet left and everyone is out to kill him. An angel comes and strengthens Elijah, then sends him on a 40 day walk to the mountain of God. It is there that God speaks to Elijah in a whisper. Most of us are familiar with that story, but God revealed something to me. When Elijah is on the mountain God asks him why he is there, twice. Two times Elijah says the same thing: That he has had enough, that there are no other people left who have been faithful to the Lord, and despite his faithfulness to God’s calling, he is frustrated. God gives him hope though, and tells him that he is not alone; rather there are 7,000 others whose knees have not bowed down before Baal. I felt like I was faithful to God’s calling on my life, but I found myself so lonely and down, I didn’t think he was using me and I just wanted to come home. God gave me hope though. The songs the children here sing each night to the Lord give me hope. The emails and comments I receive from people give me hope. The English the children are learning gives me hope. The 40 girls that signed up for the soccer team give me hope. The answered prayers give me hope. God is faithful, he is sovereign, he is good – no matter what circumstances I find myself in.
So that’s it for now. Sorry about the length. Much has happened this past week, and much will probably happen this next week. There is some scripture I want to leave you with, and I feel that it is applicable in America and Africa alike. I think it’s in Colossians (4:5), and it says, “Walk in wisdom towards those who are without, redeeming the time.” Missionaries aren’t just the people peeing in holes in the middle of an African jungle.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
How I almost didn't make it here...
Last Friday night I went into Nairobi with Eunice and Charles to board the bus that would take me to Uganda. Right when we approached the bus station, we heard gun shots a few blocks away. I was really nervous, but I was safe at the bus station. We then went to grab dinner, and I kept sneezing and Eunice laughed at me, but I didn’t understand why. Apparently, when riots start in the city, the police (who walk around with AK-47s) shoot off tear gas that affects everyone. Ha. I finally boarded the bus and sat next to a really nice lady, then went to sleep. I woke up every 25 minutes or so due to police road blocks. Finally we got to the boarder at about 5:30 am. I was staying illegally in Kenya on a transit visa that only lasts about a week, but I stayed 2 weeks. The officials kept questioning me, then they brought me to the back for more questioning. The first thing I did was try to make excuses about how it took a long time to get a cell phone. Then I tried to pay them off. Then I finally prayed. The man sat there staring at me for a few minutes, and all I could do was say, “God, God, please, cmon, please, I know you can!” The man finally looked up at me, visibly angry, and stamped my passport and handed it back. I don’t know what I would have done if I was stopped at the boarder, but it was definitely the work of God that I got through.
As we drove though Uganda at dawn, I could only think of the child soldiers in the North. It was very creepy in a way, and there was a fog that covered the bush. It made me so sad, and later I heard more stories of the tragedies that happened in Uganda.
James, the founder of the Ugandan orphanage, met me at the station in Kampala and we came to the orphanage. Uganda is beautiful (very hilly and tropical). My first few days here were really rough. I struggled a lot and missed my family. There are 11 children that stay here, and only 2 or 3 know any bit of English. When we sit around, everyone speaks Luganda and I feel so left out. There was one day that all I could do was excuse myself to my room and cry. That day I cried out to Jesus to be my best friend because I had no body else. I learned so much and God answered my cry. I realized that even if we don’t speak the same language, there is still the love of Christ that binds us. I have been playing soccer with a lot of the boys in a dirt field nearby, and it has been so much fun. The language barrier disappears. Also, there are times when me and the younger children just sit in the yard and make faces at each other and smile and laugh. They try to talk to me and I don’t understand a single word, but it doesn’t seem to matter anymore. There were many moments when I considered calling my parents and asking them to switch my flight because I just wanted to come home, but the more time I spent with the Lord the more I realized that I need to be here right now. These children don’t have parents, and they live in a society where children work all the time and there is a gap between adults and kids. They just need to be held and loved. How can we be Jesus’ hands if we don’t go to those he loves?
Six of the children are in primary (elementary) school, and total, it cost $86 for their fees, uniforms, and books. The last pair of soccer cleats I bought cost more than twice that.
Here’s something cool. A few months ago I was reading in my Bible and said to Beans, “I just wish I could memorize the whole thing!” She told me to write the verses on note cards and put them on our walls, so I did. I decided to take all the cards with me to Africa, not quite sure why. Yesterday I pulled out an envelope that has all the encouraging letters people wrote me, and the note cards were in there. The Scripture written on them was exactly what I needed. It was as if God had me write those verses down 2 months ago for that very moment yesterday. I was so amazed.
I have been trying to teach the children English, but I’m having a very hard time because they don’t know anything, and English is a ridiculously hard language.
Later in the week I am going to work in a school composed of street children and train them in soccer.
I have been eating very African food, and I am looking forward to 6 weeks from now when I can get a piece of pizza.
The electricity has been out and we just got it back 2 nights ago, then it rained very heavily yesterday and we lost it again. It’s been kind of fun without it. There are so many stars here and it just shouts of God’s glory.
I run very early in the morning because it isn’t hot. I die every time I run. The altitude, the hills, oh boy! Then, after I run, I end up walking at least 4 miles a day just getting around places. Hopefully I will be in stellar shape.
I’ve gotten really good at using a hole for a toilet. Really good. Except, I’m scared now because a few days ago I went to the hole (which is in a stall) and there was a snake staring at me. Last night there was the biggest beetle I’ve ever seen in my life in a different stall.
I am starting to learn the stories of the children that live in the orphanage. One, Mary Francis, is a small 4 year old girl who’s mother got pregnant when she was at University. The mother died one week after she graduated from AIDS and she passed on HIV/AIDS to Mary Francis. Now she is struggling with health problems. All of the children need sponsors, so let me know if you are interested.
So, that’s Africa. That’s my struggles. God is faithful and God is good. He is proving that the gospel requires risk and amounts of love that I don’t possess. He is enough though. He has given me more encouragement than I could ever imagine. I have reached some very low points, but he has never left my side.
As we drove though Uganda at dawn, I could only think of the child soldiers in the North. It was very creepy in a way, and there was a fog that covered the bush. It made me so sad, and later I heard more stories of the tragedies that happened in Uganda.
James, the founder of the Ugandan orphanage, met me at the station in Kampala and we came to the orphanage. Uganda is beautiful (very hilly and tropical). My first few days here were really rough. I struggled a lot and missed my family. There are 11 children that stay here, and only 2 or 3 know any bit of English. When we sit around, everyone speaks Luganda and I feel so left out. There was one day that all I could do was excuse myself to my room and cry. That day I cried out to Jesus to be my best friend because I had no body else. I learned so much and God answered my cry. I realized that even if we don’t speak the same language, there is still the love of Christ that binds us. I have been playing soccer with a lot of the boys in a dirt field nearby, and it has been so much fun. The language barrier disappears. Also, there are times when me and the younger children just sit in the yard and make faces at each other and smile and laugh. They try to talk to me and I don’t understand a single word, but it doesn’t seem to matter anymore. There were many moments when I considered calling my parents and asking them to switch my flight because I just wanted to come home, but the more time I spent with the Lord the more I realized that I need to be here right now. These children don’t have parents, and they live in a society where children work all the time and there is a gap between adults and kids. They just need to be held and loved. How can we be Jesus’ hands if we don’t go to those he loves?
Six of the children are in primary (elementary) school, and total, it cost $86 for their fees, uniforms, and books. The last pair of soccer cleats I bought cost more than twice that.
Here’s something cool. A few months ago I was reading in my Bible and said to Beans, “I just wish I could memorize the whole thing!” She told me to write the verses on note cards and put them on our walls, so I did. I decided to take all the cards with me to Africa, not quite sure why. Yesterday I pulled out an envelope that has all the encouraging letters people wrote me, and the note cards were in there. The Scripture written on them was exactly what I needed. It was as if God had me write those verses down 2 months ago for that very moment yesterday. I was so amazed.
I have been trying to teach the children English, but I’m having a very hard time because they don’t know anything, and English is a ridiculously hard language.
Later in the week I am going to work in a school composed of street children and train them in soccer.
I have been eating very African food, and I am looking forward to 6 weeks from now when I can get a piece of pizza.
The electricity has been out and we just got it back 2 nights ago, then it rained very heavily yesterday and we lost it again. It’s been kind of fun without it. There are so many stars here and it just shouts of God’s glory.
I run very early in the morning because it isn’t hot. I die every time I run. The altitude, the hills, oh boy! Then, after I run, I end up walking at least 4 miles a day just getting around places. Hopefully I will be in stellar shape.
I’ve gotten really good at using a hole for a toilet. Really good. Except, I’m scared now because a few days ago I went to the hole (which is in a stall) and there was a snake staring at me. Last night there was the biggest beetle I’ve ever seen in my life in a different stall.
I am starting to learn the stories of the children that live in the orphanage. One, Mary Francis, is a small 4 year old girl who’s mother got pregnant when she was at University. The mother died one week after she graduated from AIDS and she passed on HIV/AIDS to Mary Francis. Now she is struggling with health problems. All of the children need sponsors, so let me know if you are interested.
So, that’s Africa. That’s my struggles. God is faithful and God is good. He is proving that the gospel requires risk and amounts of love that I don’t possess. He is enough though. He has given me more encouragement than I could ever imagine. I have reached some very low points, but he has never left my side.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
I'm humbled, every day.
This week has been a blast. i’ve been staying with the sisters of the person who was leading the ONU team. Yesterday I taught in the school in the slum. I taught 6th grade and 8th grade English, or my native tongue as the Kenyans called it. Today I am hanging out with Dolly and Charles and we are going to go see elephants, then I am training a soccer team in Kibera. I have been taking public transportation everywhere, and they are these small 15 passenger busses called matatus, and they play really loud music. They drive like crazy people and I nearly have a heart attack every time I take one. It’s like when coach josh was driving us to nationals. Ha! On Sunday we went to church at
He has done great things
This was sung during worship at church on Sunday. All of a sudden, people started coming forward and kneeling at the altar. The altars were full. Grown men were kneeling before the lord crying. I was so humbled. He truly has done great things. Whether you’re in
Here I am to worship
We sang this song twice on Sunday, and both times I couldn’t even sing, just stand in the Lord’s presence. I’m alone in
This is my daily bread, your very word spoken to me. I’m desperate for you, I’m lost without you.
I am rocked each time I think of this. Each morning I wake up and read scripture. The power of the word of God is indescribable. It has given me so much strength and encouragement. When it comes down to it, I am so lost without the Lord and I am so desperate for him. No matter how many kids reach out to me and call my name and give me attention, it doesn’t come close to what the lord gives.
I came to you in weakness with fear and great trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power. 1 Corinthains 2:3-5
One day I was reading through 1 Corinthians, and when I came across this verse, I stopped and cried. It was one of those moments where God speaks directly to your heart. I think a lot of times I want to be the fancy American who has so much to offer, but really, I don’t. God’s Spirit will work if my hands are open.
I do miss home. I miss everyone a lot, but I know I have a purpose for being here. I think I will have a lot of opportunities to get online for the remainder of my trip, so definitely keep in touch! Love you all so much!
Friday, May 15, 2009
The Beautiful Disaster
Currently, I’m sitting in an internet café on the 2nd floor of a grocery store with a squished termite next to my keyboard and the sun shining. I had to walk 2 miles to get here, but I figured I would because I had time.
Kenya has been amazing. I have been working along side the ONU MIA team, and we have been spending time in Kibera (3rd largest slum in the world). We have been working with the Nazarene school where 800 children attend and they have a school about the size of a basketball court run by 14 teachers. It is unbelievable to see the conditions they endure, yet they work so hard. I have been blown away by those children. I got the opportunity to spend time in each classroom (pre—8th) and all of them sang for me. While they were singing, the Lord whispered a word into my heart. It was “delight”. I knew that the Lord delighted in his children, but I never fully grasped the meaning of the word until that moment. Even now, I can’t formulate it into words. So in that simple whisper, the Lord gave me direction for the week. I was to simply delight in his children; to smile at them, to hug them, to hold their hand, to sing with them, and to love them. That seems too simple, but that was all he asked of me. On Wednesday I got the opportunity to play with the kids at their ‘field’ (which was a piece of flat dirt 2 miles away from the school). The teachers told us it would be a 2 minutes walk, ha, yea right! I was in charge of reffing a soccer game, and I ended up playing, and scored a goal! Woot! At one point, I looked around and thought, “I am playing in a soccer game, barefoot on rocks in a slum in Kenya. How stinkin cool!” After, we had to walk back. I was exhausted, but I got to see a lot more of the slum. The heart break never really leaves. As you got lower down the hill that the slum is built on, conditions got worse. Children weren’t fully clothed and sewage filled the streets. When it rained, the women went outside with old bottles and funnels to collect it. Wow. It truly is a beautiful disaster. We got to teach some of the students, and James 2:5 came to life. At one point, Coach Josh asked me to teach some of Billy’s silly songs, so I taught the kids the Sensai song and the Little White Box. It was stinkin hilarious. After that, any time anyone asked them, “are you ready?” they immediately shouted, “YES SENSAI!”
My sleeping conditions are great thus far. The Nazarene missionary compound is gorgeous. Next week I am staying with a sister of our leader. I’m guessing it won’t be this nice..possibly even in a slum. It will be safe though. No worries.
Next Friday I’m taking a bus to Uganda, then I’ll be there the rest of the trip.
On safety. I’ve never felt so at ease. I have been walking around all day by myself (I had to walk 4 miles just to get some food for lunch, and it will be another 2 back from the café), yet I feel safe. Sure, I’ve only seen 3 other white people since I’ve been here, other than the ONU team, but its fun! All the Kenyans yell, “Mizungu!” which means ‘white person’ and the children call us “How are you” because they think its our name. My old mentor challenged me to read the armor of God in Ephesians 6 each day, and it has been so good. The Lord’s words have comforted me and encouraged me and challenged me and given me the strength to make it though each day.
So, that’s all for now. Thank you so much for your prayers.
2 funny things.
I tried to work out today, and Nairobi is 6,000 ft above sea level. I thought I was going to die, or have my lung collapse like Brad’s.
Kenyans drive like crazy people! (Mom, you cringe when I drive, you would have an aneurism here!) Yesterday, our bus driver went off-roading and drove on the bumpy dirt shoulder of the road at least 60mph. Yet, they never get it accidents, and it baffles me. However, on my way back from buying lunch at the market, I saw one. I saw my first accident and my first asian in the same moment. Irony!
I love you all so much. I probably won’t get on again until I’m in Uganda. Keep the prayers coming! God is faithful and answering them.
Kenya has been amazing. I have been working along side the ONU MIA team, and we have been spending time in Kibera (3rd largest slum in the world). We have been working with the Nazarene school where 800 children attend and they have a school about the size of a basketball court run by 14 teachers. It is unbelievable to see the conditions they endure, yet they work so hard. I have been blown away by those children. I got the opportunity to spend time in each classroom (pre—8th) and all of them sang for me. While they were singing, the Lord whispered a word into my heart. It was “delight”. I knew that the Lord delighted in his children, but I never fully grasped the meaning of the word until that moment. Even now, I can’t formulate it into words. So in that simple whisper, the Lord gave me direction for the week. I was to simply delight in his children; to smile at them, to hug them, to hold their hand, to sing with them, and to love them. That seems too simple, but that was all he asked of me. On Wednesday I got the opportunity to play with the kids at their ‘field’ (which was a piece of flat dirt 2 miles away from the school). The teachers told us it would be a 2 minutes walk, ha, yea right! I was in charge of reffing a soccer game, and I ended up playing, and scored a goal! Woot! At one point, I looked around and thought, “I am playing in a soccer game, barefoot on rocks in a slum in Kenya. How stinkin cool!” After, we had to walk back. I was exhausted, but I got to see a lot more of the slum. The heart break never really leaves. As you got lower down the hill that the slum is built on, conditions got worse. Children weren’t fully clothed and sewage filled the streets. When it rained, the women went outside with old bottles and funnels to collect it. Wow. It truly is a beautiful disaster. We got to teach some of the students, and James 2:5 came to life. At one point, Coach Josh asked me to teach some of Billy’s silly songs, so I taught the kids the Sensai song and the Little White Box. It was stinkin hilarious. After that, any time anyone asked them, “are you ready?” they immediately shouted, “YES SENSAI!”
My sleeping conditions are great thus far. The Nazarene missionary compound is gorgeous. Next week I am staying with a sister of our leader. I’m guessing it won’t be this nice..possibly even in a slum. It will be safe though. No worries.
Next Friday I’m taking a bus to Uganda, then I’ll be there the rest of the trip.
On safety. I’ve never felt so at ease. I have been walking around all day by myself (I had to walk 4 miles just to get some food for lunch, and it will be another 2 back from the café), yet I feel safe. Sure, I’ve only seen 3 other white people since I’ve been here, other than the ONU team, but its fun! All the Kenyans yell, “Mizungu!” which means ‘white person’ and the children call us “How are you” because they think its our name. My old mentor challenged me to read the armor of God in Ephesians 6 each day, and it has been so good. The Lord’s words have comforted me and encouraged me and challenged me and given me the strength to make it though each day.
So, that’s all for now. Thank you so much for your prayers.
2 funny things.
I tried to work out today, and Nairobi is 6,000 ft above sea level. I thought I was going to die, or have my lung collapse like Brad’s.
Kenyans drive like crazy people! (Mom, you cringe when I drive, you would have an aneurism here!) Yesterday, our bus driver went off-roading and drove on the bumpy dirt shoulder of the road at least 60mph. Yet, they never get it accidents, and it baffles me. However, on my way back from buying lunch at the market, I saw one. I saw my first accident and my first asian in the same moment. Irony!
I love you all so much. I probably won’t get on again until I’m in Uganda. Keep the prayers coming! God is faithful and answering them.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Tomorrow, I will be in Africa
Alright, this is my last post while I'm in America.
Lots has been going on in my head and in my heart. I am so nervous and scared to go (see previous post), but I am also extremely excited because my inadequacies have opened up the door for the Lord to work. I realize that if God is not in the middle of this trip, I will fail. I know that I don't have the words and I don't have the knowledge, so this is all on God. Its like Acts 4:13 when it says, "They saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus." Peter and John spent time with Jesus, went where God led, spoke through the Spirit, and they were unstoppable - I want my life to be like that!
I got together with a lot of key people in my life today, and so much scripture was read over me. Its amazing how encouraging God's word is, and how His perfect love casts out fear. I was asked how Satan was attacking me, and I guess that wasn't something I really thought about. Then it became clear that he was trying to instill fear in me; the kind of fear that would cripple me from doing the Lords work. Earlier in the week, I was reading through Luke, and once I saw how the devil was trying to get me down, I realized why I had read that passage. In Chapter 10, Jesus sends out the 72 like 'lambs among wolves' because 'the harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.' He tells them not to bring anything, because he will provide. When the 72 return, they are amazed at what they were able to do in Christ's name. He gave them the authority to 'trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.' There is nothing to fear because if you are in the center of His will, he will be with you and will provide. That doesn't mean there will be no trouble, but He will never leave your side.
Psalm 91, Romans 8, 2 Kings 6 were also read over me - such good stuff.
I'm encouraged. Please read Luke 12 and pray that into my heart. I am sad to leave and saying goodbye was difficult, but I'm excited for what's ahead. Lots of things are still up in the air, but that makes it more fun! My old small group leader Kristin, who has the gift of faith, says that I will be back safely in one piece, filled with stories. So, don't worry, I'll be back. Please join me on this adventure. I will try my best to get online once a week, most likely Saturdays, so check in! Emails are much appreciated as well. (labfall@olivet.edu). By the end of May I should be in one stable place, so I will have an address, and letters would be much appreciated too! Thank you for your prayers, your encouragement, and your direction towards God's word.
Lots has been going on in my head and in my heart. I am so nervous and scared to go (see previous post), but I am also extremely excited because my inadequacies have opened up the door for the Lord to work. I realize that if God is not in the middle of this trip, I will fail. I know that I don't have the words and I don't have the knowledge, so this is all on God. Its like Acts 4:13 when it says, "They saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus." Peter and John spent time with Jesus, went where God led, spoke through the Spirit, and they were unstoppable - I want my life to be like that!
I got together with a lot of key people in my life today, and so much scripture was read over me. Its amazing how encouraging God's word is, and how His perfect love casts out fear. I was asked how Satan was attacking me, and I guess that wasn't something I really thought about. Then it became clear that he was trying to instill fear in me; the kind of fear that would cripple me from doing the Lords work. Earlier in the week, I was reading through Luke, and once I saw how the devil was trying to get me down, I realized why I had read that passage. In Chapter 10, Jesus sends out the 72 like 'lambs among wolves' because 'the harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.' He tells them not to bring anything, because he will provide. When the 72 return, they are amazed at what they were able to do in Christ's name. He gave them the authority to 'trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.' There is nothing to fear because if you are in the center of His will, he will be with you and will provide. That doesn't mean there will be no trouble, but He will never leave your side.
Psalm 91, Romans 8, 2 Kings 6 were also read over me - such good stuff.
I'm encouraged. Please read Luke 12 and pray that into my heart. I am sad to leave and saying goodbye was difficult, but I'm excited for what's ahead. Lots of things are still up in the air, but that makes it more fun! My old small group leader Kristin, who has the gift of faith, says that I will be back safely in one piece, filled with stories. So, don't worry, I'll be back. Please join me on this adventure. I will try my best to get online once a week, most likely Saturdays, so check in! Emails are much appreciated as well. (labfall@olivet.edu). By the end of May I should be in one stable place, so I will have an address, and letters would be much appreciated too! Thank you for your prayers, your encouragement, and your direction towards God's word.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Trembling
I prayed that God would reveal himself, and he brought me to my knees; I prayed that He would show me the world through His eyes, and he broke my heart; I prayed that God would use me, and he asked for everything I held dear and sent me to Africa. Now, I tremble in His presence.
The fact that Jesus is both a lion and a lamb never really sank in until tonight. I am so completely terrified of Him. I am scared of the calling that he has placed on my life. Yet, in the midst of fear, he love shines. Scripture says that perfect love casts out fear, and He has comforted me in ways I could never have imagined. I picture myself suffering in Africa, yet Jesus takes my hand and brings me to a place of peace in his presence.I leave in one week, and I have found irony in the prayers that people have prayed over me. There has been a theme of safety in each one. On my way back to school earlier, I really thought about that. I was filled with tears as I thought about how scared I was (okay, I actually cried), and I realized that I was scared because I wouldn't be safe. I was afraid to suffer. However, the more I read God's word, the more I see that it's not safe. Think about this: God saved the world through suffering. Jesus was tortured until he was unrecognizable, then he suffocated on a cross. Not safe. Jesus' disciples were stoned, crucified, flogged, and thrown in prison as they spread the gospel. Not safe. Ever read about Paul? Definitely not safe. So, there's this thing about safety that I'm still wrestling with. Jesus said that in this world, we will have suffering, and people will persecute us for following him. I don't think we can even come close to imagining the depths of that statement here in America. I don't have a conclusion on that, just thoughts.
Please keep praying for me. Pray that God will go before me and lay out a path. One of my own prayers is that God will shout to me, because I feel like I'm too deaf to hear his whisper.
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